Slip sliding away & there goes the day

Its been one of those days, i dont think anybody likes Mondays really. Today was spent making calls, responding to emails, working on proposal for the show #BorderLineMe & trying to stay on top of things. The hours flew by light became night and I feel as if Ive gotten little done, hours spent in front of the computer has my head spinning, do you know what I mean. I dont really care for these types of days but there you have it, had one actually in life I’ve had a few, haven’t you. So its time to call it a night, to unplug. thats all good night

Family Day reframed

I’m not oppose to additional stat days. Personally i think we’d be so much better off if our society functioned on a 35 hr week, 4 days as oppose to 7. I dont know what they were thinking calling it family day, totally oblivious how the painfulness it must cause those who have no family. But heres a twist, we are able to redefine the word, create our own tribe. A tribe can consist of new not blood related family members, isn’t that great? We all need to feel a part of, to belong, to have an imposed family the one you are stuck with or to recreate a family choosing members to be a part of. So in celebration of re defined definition of family, happy day to you all whether you a re related or not, is irrelevant. True family members are a part of as a result of how they make you feel, the role they [play in ur life. I am grateful to have true family members whom leave me feeling safe and loved and adopted/tribe family members as well. So celebrate the day off in whatever way you choose and keep in mind McGuinty was an ass for calling it that. xo

Id love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this, thanks

Feeding frenzy #depression, #borderlinepersonality, #mentalhealth, #stigma & family

Well for some of us the feeding unfolds though family but on the upside there are some who believe that if there are issues of it being step brothers, step fathers and so forth then he really isn’t your father, your brother or your sister.. We are not related ouch. This belief has never sat well with me and I have no desire to function or see it that way. I have wonderful siblings born as an only child siblings have been seen as a blessing, enriching my life. I was blessed with a wonderful step mother, who i saw as my mom, lucky me i had 2 moms but to be told no she was not my mother, stings. To be told i turn on and off my mental illness like a light switch when convenient OUCH feeds the stigma on mental health in a way that hurts not only me but all who suffer with the stigma and end up being spoken to as if we are idiots or less than with no benefit of the doubt. So I’m trying to takes this foreign belief another has and turn it around. What i came to is everyone is entitled to their beliefs and i dont want to argue. If we are not siblings as a result of no blood connection then all this exchange, judgment is futile, not much different than a stranger one who imposes their difference on me, no benefit of the doubt. No different than if it was just someone I lived a short time under the same roof with, after I did not grown up in the same household, like a long term friend or roommate who have crossed a line. These kind of folks are not in my inner circle, they are not my friends and turns out we are not even related. So to see it this way means problem is now solved, now I’m going to unwind, vent and lick my wounds.

Weekend Wanderings: Birds in the Wild

Stunning to see, to feel removed from the concrete

learning to drive with #Borderlinepersonality

It’s been a while since Ive written, in fact I think my last entry was prior to trip to Cuba. I recognize the shift in my own mindset from being close to the ocean, sand, warmth & blue skies and the fall back into darkness upon returning to grey cold winter days and nights here. The shift feels drastic and a number of sunken pyjama days took place. As a person with #BorderLinePersonality the sensitivity to my environment that being energy of others, to weather to the feel of a breeze can be rather drastic. Sometimes I feel as if I am driving a high powered vehicle. I’m not always able to harness control and at times feel as if I am spinning out. I can talk about how dark it is, how intense to drop into despair is…..but i really need to get back to practicing my driving skills. People come in and out of my life; reminding me, inspiring me and today I was blessed with a reflective mirror view of myself thru the journey of another. As if thrown a life line to grasp onto. Its funny i know all this stuff in my head but putting into practice is often hit and miss, I’m guessing that my inconsistency is a factor piece of being borderline just as relationship issues are also a huge factor. This diagnosis is not something I really want but there it is a part of my reality. What’s a girl to do? learning to drive thru the twists & turns of life without going over the edge is a never ending process and can be so dang exhausting. Giving myself permission to be what is normal for me. This differs from person to person, bringing the focus back to not comparing, not getting caught in wishful thinking, self acceptance is quite the rocky road at times. But for this moment though it may or may not be fleeting I’m feeling for the first time in a few days a moment of peace.