Setting boundaries & mental health

I see a trend not one I’m all that thrilled about, having been on both ends; delivered & received. Many years ago it was in no uncertain terms pointed out of me that despite my #mentalillness issues this did not give me a permit a licence to lash out, crap! That meant I had some serious effort and work to put in. And even though I’ve invested in myself to learn alternative ways to cope with overwhelming emotions there have been times when the reigns have slipped and the intensity is just to much to bare, after all I’m human and these things happen. But when shit hits the fan, outburst last soar it’s to my advantage to own it and to do whatever it takes to fix it, to go beyond just I’m sorry and repeat. To own mine, express remorse, to do whatever need be to rectify it and really work hard at not repeating it otherwise apologies are meaningless summed up into empty words. Guess what having mental health issues is not a licence to dump on others and others including me as most of us venture from both sides of the fence have a responsibility in how we allow others to treat us. I’m not ur whipping post I screamed, I draw a line in the sand determine what’s ok with me and what’s not. No one needs to change their behaviours on my account certainly that’s not the point here but more so about self care and about looking at my own before casting a stone

When your past shows up in the present, living with PTSD

There are so many catch phrases about living in the moment, being present:

See what I mean and that’s all fine and dandy but for those with #PTSD it’s a tad frustrating to say the least. It’s not like I go intentfully digging up the past though reflecting which is a whole different point I do believe had its place in healing and learning. But in this case as a person living with #PTSD it’s not a matter of control. The past rears its often ugly head smack dab in the middle of any God forsaken present moment it damn well feels too, no invitation & not even wanted but there it is, slap. You can call it #flashbacks you can call it whatever the hell you choose bottom line is whatever you call it is pretty much irrelevant cause it’s there and there’s fuck all that you can do about it, aside from riding it out, reminding yourself it’ll pass and tightening your grip while riding it’s wave, fucking exhausting. And trying to explain is and often feels as is justifying oneself and explaining a slice of hell hat penetrated into the present as if there was any choice in the matter. Living with post traumatic stress disorder is a fucking DIS of order and leaks over latching onto to#anxiety #depression #panic and a whole slew of other issues, hard to be #confident #secure when the pre conceived pressure of having to explain, justify is ever so present #stigma #SadStateofAffairs

And that’s #My2Cents

Feeding Hatred

Let me start by saying this is only my 2 cents, my 2cents works for me though may not be that of others. This shared rant is not about imposing my beliefs but more so about sharing, what you choose to do with this is your choice.

Hatred wether towards #Baptist, #Christianity, #Gays, #Muslims, #Jews or any behaviours that we deem unacceptable is what it is and sadly will probably always exist. All to often we get caught up in our egos, in being right, brow beating attacking, condescending and unaware that we are actually feeding the problem and not contributing to the solution.

I say we because I’ve also have done this I am not above making mistakes I will own that and hopefully learn from it.

A female or male child who grows up as a sexual abuse survivor treated as if they are a commodity, will grow most often into an adult who is easy, who presents themselves in the world as a commodity, as a receptacle because that is their foundation, that is what they grew up with. A person who grows up learning to hate a group knows no different and attacking such people doesn’t allow change in their thoughts and only feeds their hatred. NO ONE WANTS TO FEEL ATTACKED OR BELITTLED.

If you want to see change it starts often at home, understanding, compassion doesn’t mean acceptance of behaviours that are deemed unacceptable however if the goal is in hopes of shedding some light, then certainly attacking a person is not an approach that has ever worked and achieved the desirable results, if anything it has only fluffed the fire of hatred. Hard to love those who make you feel like shit, that put you down and that belittle you,  isn’t it?

I had a devout muslim rent from me for a short time during a stormy month here in Hamilton and yes I did get flak for it however I was not about the defend or get into a debate over my decision and or chose. I do not have to justify my existence to those who see things differently and have chosen to express their 2cents by brown beating me. However me response was this, a Jew a devout Muslim, a memory, an experience and an opportunity to plant a seed since he had come to me to rent. Something he may always remember, I don’t know what his beliefs are re Jews nor did we discuss mine, as getting into that debate only causes the risk pf turmoil in my home where I deem and work hard to set it up as my safe place, a drama free zone. He was here to rent a room due to stormy weather and his job, period.

It was for me an experience I will always treasure and remember. If this man had any preconceived notions of hatred towards a more liberal way of life. mine then maybe this experience and interaction has planted a seed that doesn’t reinforce hatred and/or attacks. Kindness and consideration shown by both parties, smiles and gratitudes for what transpired, how delightful.

As a survivor of sexual abuse from an early age, I have received my fair share of comments, like slut, easy, tramp and I have also been treated as such, I must say that the only thing that resulted from that was more scars and pain, the sting of judgement before having walked in my shoes and manifested itself in my fuck you attitude. It wasn’t until I was granted understanding things changed.

We are so quick to impose, such need to be right. Recently I was told that my response to feeling hurt is wrong, my internal thought was oh shit, maybe i sou;d be less human, different that what i am. less sensitive and the end comment was fuck you, this from someone almost half my age entrenched in my way is the only way, speaking to me as if I’m stupid. Ya I really wanna get into a debate with someone I feel so judged and condescended by, let me just jump into a not safe forum, to be wiped once more like in my childhood, not likely.

I was accused of not being open to debate, learning and debating grows from a setting that is safe, futures the freedom to ask questions, make statements right or wrong with being attacked.

Feed the fire, fuel the hatred and add a few more blocks to the wall that separates us and divides us, is your choice, true but I don’t have to jump in in with you and should you choose to call me a coward or seek out every vulnerable button within me to drive your point home, so be it. I know where you stand and I am not your whipping post.

For me the purpose of debate, conversation is to share, learn and not to persuade you to see things my way.  Those kinds of debate I find unpleasant, there is enough unpleasant, sadness, violence in the world going on I don’t want to willingly jump into that kind of debate that makes absolutely no difference in creating change in the world.

Try a little compassion, you have not walked in the other persons shoes; hear them acknowledge whats been said, doesn’t mean you have to agree with it nor does it mean you have to jump into a debate, 2 sides trying to prove and impose their points. Hey if thats what you choose to do go ahead but Im not wanting to participate and don’t need you permission or approval to say thank you but no thank you.

there is a HUGE difference between being a nice person and a good person

be gentle, b e kind and be true to your own boundaries, you have a right to your feelings does not mean you have a right to cram them down anyone else throat.

This is only one way of not fuelling the fire of hatred.

I love everybody, cause we are all related and that works for me, though I don’t necessarily like everyone, but then I’ve got a whole trunk full of times when I didn’t or don’t like myself either. I am no exception and I strive to implement what is right for me, no longer interested in nice but leaning more towards “good”

Fell free to comment, follow and/or share.

Please limit your attacks, I can only ask, you do not have to comply with my request however please note that I will not engage in a response to attacks, hatred or feeling pistol whipped  and it’s not out of rudeness or cowardliness it is a conscious choice I make as to how I choose to invest my time.

thank you and thats my 2 cents

 

 

 

 

Ranting, good 4 the Soul

I heard ranting is good for the soul, thanks @RickMercer Rant on statement regarding humour: Recently I was told I don’t have a sense of humour based on the fact that I didn’t find some…

Source: Ranting, good 4 the Soul

Ranting, good 4 the Soul

I heard ranting is good for the soul, thanks @RickMercer

Rant on statement regarding humour: Recently I was told I don’t have a sense of humour based on the fact that I didn’t find something said to be funny, that’s fucked as he’s humour is the only way to go.

Ranting regarding the dating scene: texting someone at 1am is not appealing it’s a fucking booty call absent of any kind of flirtation.

Opening lines like hey or your hot are lame and uninspiring.

Or let’s go eat here, it’s cheap 

Talking about bodily functions or lack of, is TMI and should be avoided.

Hunky the horn to announce you have arrived to pick up your dare is in bad taste.

Statements or suggestions of what’s in it for me is in bad taste.

Leaving your date feeling not special Or receptacle like, will not get you laid 

The absence of courting sucks 

Expectations will always fuck  with your serenity

Getting your drawers in a knot because things are not going your way and express it, will not get you further ahead in your cause but will only create further hurdles and/or distanceAnd that’s my short rant for the day