AWAKENINGS

 my stairs  its all about how u choose to view things and we go thru transitions

Last night #BorderLineMe had a last minute change on stage transformed an intense piece even further.  I think I ‘ve reached a stage where i see everything as an opportunity, a lesson. The world is here for our benefit and i think we benefit most from giving not taking. This is our home this world, so lets make it a better place for us & generations to come. Ive learned a lot in the last little while, some was a result of making changes in my show, some from #HamOntFringe shows such as #Bloom with @kristi_boulton which was by the way excellent. there was a line and a common thread of thought about dissolving the #Stigma #MentalHealth if folks could just be more sensitive, if they could just change there reactions and that triggered this; if we ask others to adjust the way they respond to #MentalHealth is that any different in them asking us those with mental health issues to change how we are? I dont think the energy or focus for me will be on getting others to respond differently though I am a strong advocate of educating, dissolving the stigma, naming it and framing it in hopes of removing the taboo of it all but more so in how to I deal with response I do not like that trigger me either into silence or into outburst. I want to learn how to drive myself thru the world as is while educating and bringing light to a dark subject. I think the arts community has done a bang up job and addresses these social subjects. I cannot imagine a world without art wether that be performance or canvas or or or, whatever works as a form of expression that creates changes and shifts things in this world.

weathering the storms, shift this

Our modern lifestyle collides with #MotherEarth and our #Soul’s desire. But what can we do? change the world yes perhaps thats a big outward undertaking and the powers that be are likely to wanna let that happen. As a result it transforms into a life of never ending battles, the warriors that stand up and face adversity the heroes that dedicate their lives to change, their souls calling. Mine was once there but now I grow tired and came to realize that I still have much internal work to do this is what my should has been shouting out to me. My journey has taken twists and turns as i have travelled thru much ugliness into a light now that brings me a sense of RIP while alive and kicking. And in order to get here, whoever here happens to be I have taken on a view point that there is nothing that is good or bad, it just is however the individual of course has a choice in how they want to perceive it. As I look back on my journey I would have once said omg this is terrible, but my terrible has now been transformed into a one woman show called #BorderLineMe which is good though this occurrence does change the past, all it does is shift my perception. I can wait for my perception to shift as a result of something exterior but for me thats kinda like being at the mercy of the world or I can work and practice at shifting, like a shape shifter honing their skills, life is grand and we are in constant states of shifting. Im liking this, this approach has brought me much peace thru some storms.

The things I do to stay grounded

Well in all honesty, I grew up in a era where such nonsense as if u talk to yourself thats ok but if u answer yourself it means your crazy, how silly is that. Guess I’m a nut then. In my mind set it seems absolutely ridiculous and rude to not respond. So much processing and clarity has come from conversations I have with myself. One of the things that I still often struggle with is feeling #overwhelmed. I have a tendency to go over the list of things to do as if all of them need to be done in one clean swoop. I’ve got shows booked as far ahead as the fall of 2016, so you see where I’m going with this as I line up my ducks in a row, the bills, the laundry, the mundane, the oh G-d i need to find time to paint, to write, crap walk the dog all along I can feel myself shrinking as my list is growing. So I get into these conversations with myself where I constantly have to remind myself that not everything has to be done now or today and I’m discovering that I need to take it one step further. I need to step away from making the damn list in the first place, its enough, truly it is that I insert the to do list into my calendar. So why, why do I need to go over it in my head, the stuff bounces around in there like silly putty til a pounding begins. I started with reminding myself not everything has to be done today or at once, sometimes I feel silly cause sometimes I am. This is one of the silly habits I picked up along the way, driven by my fear of being viewed as irresponsible and a pull to what to be on top of things. Im learning and this is just another life lesson that i get to practice. NO MORE LIST its in the calendar and thats enough

What a strange world or is it just me

i could run with this for miles as so many things strike me as strange. Our communication has totally changed and a perfect example for me personally is as a result of finding myself somewhat triggered when I see or I post something that is not happy and/or great, such as my daughter can’t breath and we are in the hospital or the 6 year old child within my community that recently lost her life.  In all honesty I have no idea how to respond or take it when I see folks clicking on the like button on Facebook now I can figure out that it’s not malicious and most likely a fly by way of acknowledging that they saw the post but I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to this. I’m not even sure if I want to get used to it, I’m left dumbfounded and speechless on how to respond because I feel taken aback by it, this is a strange world we live in or maybe I just don’t fit in with the norms